I feel like any time there is a change in Gpa’s behavior or routine, it is because he is dying.


The end is near!


The end is near!


Usually a call to the doctor.  Nope, false alarm.


This time it is because there is so much urine the last two nights.  I’ve had to change his bedding.  But his ankles aren’t as swollen so maybe it isn’t such a bad thing.  I’ll call the doctor in the morning to confirm.


But as I finish changing him tonight, feeling like an alarmist, I remember.  He’s been saying “If I die” since he was in his 60’s.


He wanted to take my son when he was 2, to the stockyards but was afraid of collapsing and my son not being able to say who he was.  I said let’s pin some id on him.  I felt Gpa should be able to enjoy doing things with his Great-Grand son.

I don’t think they went to the stock yards that year.  But when my son got older they did.

I think it was about 10 years later that I finally told Gpa to stop saying he was dying any minute.  His sister lived to 105.

I’m hoping sibling rivalry will kick in and he’ll out do her.

I don’t know.  He’s been going to the door lately, waiting on Ralph.  We have no idea who Ralph is.

Then today he spent time talking to himself and at one point listed a lot of people including my Gma.

So I feel like the end is near!

The end is near,

And no matter when it really happens, I can’t do anything about it.

I’ll go to bed now and Gpa will probably get up a couple more times in the night and then wake up hungry and ready for breakfast in the morning!


I hope you had a great weekend.



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  • IsobelandCat  On December 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    This made me cry.
    In some ways, I hope my mother does not live much longer. Not that I want her to die. that sounds like a contradiction. But this road we’re travelling with dementia is not a road with pretty views. My mother is often confused and upset. I do not want her to descend deeper where I cannot reach to pull her out. She is 92 now.

    • nothousebound  On December 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm

      I think the disorientation is the hardest part. I never know what sets him off or why this time my actions have upset him. I’m not doing anything different. So I know where you are coming from in not wanting your mother to suffer yet don’t want to lose her. I know we are blessed that Gpa is still mobile and able to communicate in so many ways. I dread the day he becomes bed ridden.

      Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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