Love vs Grace

I have a friend who has recently filed for divorce.  I don’t know the details but I know the next few months will be difficult.

I’ve been through three divorces. The first one when I was a junior in high school.  My parents had been unhappy for a long time.  Well all my life really.  My dad was mad at his dad.  That grandpa died before I was born.  I know very little of him and about the only picture I’ve seen is in my parent’s wedding album.

There were other issues as well.  Mom would call my sister and I into her room periodically and let us know we may be leaving Daddy if he didn’t stop drinking.  So when she asked me what I thought that last time, I told her, “You’ve been talking about this for years, go ahead and do it.”  She did.

And life fell apart.

I married a few years later.  Way too young.  However, I have children I love dearly and wouldn’t change a thing.  Well, yes, I am sorry there wasn’t more I could do for the kids dad.

Love wasn’t enough.  He had demons he was fighting and it destroyed everything.  I stayed as long as I could but there came a day I knew none of would be OK if I didn’t get myself and the kids out.

I didn’t hate him, I just didn’t love him anymore.  Or more correctly, the most loving thing I could do was to leave.

Then another marriage.  That failed.

And now Gpa has dementia.

Love hasn’t been able to change a thing.

It hasn’t been enough.

And I struggle with that.  I love all these people and it doesn’t make a difference.  Life is still hard.  Demons still torment.  Past anger still festering.  Things said and done that can’t be taken back.

But what is enough is grace.

Grace wipes the slate clean.  It’s a do over.  Let’s start fresh.

Create something new.  Better.

I want this for my friend.  Something to look forward to, a letting go of the baggage.

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