A Shield

I miss Gpa.  I keep listening for him but he doesn’t need anything from me now.

It’s a good thing that the little dog is here.  He is a very good lap dog.

I am feeling very vulnerable and exposed when I go out now.  Not every time as there were times I went out without Gpa.  But the times I took him places with me, it feels strange to not be pushing him in front of me.

Also, people are freer in what they say to me now that he is gone.  I’ve been offered an opportunity to help package candles from a friend involved with a start-up, told about an investment opportunity that is like a credit card company but there are more ways to make money, jobs or job sites to check, and even an offer to date.

All of these offers began with, “I know it’s too soon, but.”

UM, thank you, I will think about it.  But I haven’t even gone back to the things I was doing before Gpa got sick.  I haven’t juggled, or painted.  I’ve been planning services, moving daughters and sorting through Gpa’s things.

I feel like Gpa was protection, a shield and now I am exposed.  I don’t like it.

And it makes me miss him more.

I’ll try to remember they mean well.



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