Who Do You Tell?

In the light of recent events, I heard a radio DJ exhort anyone who had thoughts of suicide to tell someone.

I don’t think it is as easy as that. Who does one tell? And when?  Sometimes those thoughts are fleeting as one tries to brainstorm solutions for a difficult situation.  They will not be acted on so no need to discuss.

When I was 15, I told my dad I needed help.  He asked me why and his response to my telling him I was thinking of killing myself was that getting help would be far worse.

I didn’t get help.

I don’t remember telling my sister but I must have because she’ll bring it up time and again.  She is still worried.  So I wouldn’t tell her.

In my 30’s I got help for grief.  Mom and Gma had died within months of each other.  Dad was proud I got help.  But it was a different sort. I wasn’t suicidal, just very sad. And it did help.

My children are adults now but I wouldn’t tell them.  I wouldn’t want to burden them.

I’ve got some friends that I feel are close enough I could tell.  But what would I say?  If I voice it, it makes it too real.

And I think there is still a stigma on the issue of suicide.  So to confess that one is thinking about it, is confessing one of the most terrible things. How can  you think those thoughts?

And I wouldn’t tell a stranger, I don’t want to be locked up.

So if I needed to tell someone, who would I tell?  I don’t have an answer.

I do think that those kinds of thoughts have more power when hope is lost.  Where do we find hope when it is lost? How do we share hope with ourselves? with others? Even a glimmer of hope has extraordinary power.

glimmer of hope

glimmer of hope

 

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