Monthly Archives: October 2014

My Lumpy Bumpy Boob

Wednesday I went to have a breast exam and mammogram.  It has been over 5 years.  Where has the time gone?  Partially I don’t like having mammograms and partially I was busy taking care of Gpa.

And partially because I don’t know what I’m doing.  The first time I did a self exam I was about 13 years old. There were all sorts of lumps! That freaked me out.  Nope didn’t tell anyone.  Just wasn’t going to do that again.

But I did. Periodically over the years, I’d be reminded and I’d do a self exam.  Now that I knew I had lumps and bumps it wasn’t so freaky.

Over the years, I’ve met women who have had breast cancer, or a relative of there’s had it.  Lots of different experiences. And spreading to lymph nodes and beyond.

So I learned Wednesday to start the exam under the arm.  Makes sense, I know there are lymph nodes there.  But I didn’t know there are some around the clavicle!

Another tip is to pick a day of the month that is easy to remember and do it then.  Like a birthday.  The woman who was doing the exam’s birthday is on the 27th.  I think that is when I’ll do mine each month.  That way I can remember her and how well she taught me.

She showed me on a model what normal and not normal lumps were.  Then during the exam, she had me feel my lumps which are of the normal kind.

I am really glad I went!

Be sure to take care you, too!

Tantrums at 50

Tantrums are not exclusive to 2 year olds.  They have born the brunt of discussion as that is the age tantrums are first manifested for many.

However, it is really mostly about frustration on the situation at hand and inability or unwillingness to deal with it.

I have been having a tantrum.  I haven’t thrown myself on the floor and wailed.  But for those closest to me have noticed I am not myself.

And to snap out of it!

Well if only it were that easy.

I’ve been frustrated that life isn’t what I want it to be.  I’ve had too many loved ones die over the last 20 years.  Has it really been 20 years since mom and grandma died?

That would make anyone throw a fit.  Being without a loving influence for that long.

I’ve been acting like they are gone, gone.  And I don’t want to be here, here.

However, I’ve forgotten an important thing I believe.  I believe we are eternal.  Our spirits live forever.

You wouldn’t know that I believe that by the way I’ve been behaving.  Internally if not externally.

Oh, boo hoo, I’m all alone.  The people who have loved me most are gone. Almost to the point of singing the worm song dad taught me.  Gonna go eat worms!

But wait, someone reminded me.  I told him I was missing my mom.  He said to find her. AND I DID!

Oh yeah,  mom may not be in her body but she, the part of her that is eternal is still around.

It is as if I was a two year old kicking and screaming on the floor with the adults standing around patiently waiting for me to finish the fit.

And now that I have we can interact. Maybe not the way we used to, but the love is still there.  I can feel it.  It surrounds me, encourages and uplifts me.

I am not alone. And I have all this love I can share with others.

Let you know that you are not alone. You are loved and we can have a great live in the time we have left on this side of the veil.


Our History with Cookies

Even though I have been resisting going through pictures and other memorabilia, I am glad I am doing it.

I came across this picture of Gpa and I.  I was too young to remember this at all.  But there we are.  Just him and me and a cookie.

Seems kind of fitting that we started out our relationship with cookies and ended with cookies.

Makes me smile when I think about our time together.  And for the PhD’s that say people younger than 15 or older than 75 are not contributing members of society, worthy of care, I say to you, relationships with people in those age brackets are the best kind.

There is more to contributing to society than you have taken into consideration in your report.  Really you need to get out of your think tank and chill out for a while, find out what life is really about. I’d be happy to share a cookie with you.

Cookies, Gpa and I

Cookies, Gpa and I

My House as a Storage Unit

Part of my overwhelmedness I believe is that my house is not a home.  It has become a storage unit.  Not only do I have things that belong to my children. Well of course the one that lives here but the other two as well.

My son has a few boxes in the attic but my daughter has furniture as well strewn across several rooms.

I also have items that belong to those who have gone on.  I’ve been meaning to go through Gpa’s closet and make it a space usable for me.  Every time I open that door.  I see boxes with labels of ‘pictures’ and ‘carvings’ .  I shut the door.

Not ready to go through those items.  How does one get rid of pictures?

I figured it out!  My sister took the pictures that dad had and have them converted to disc. We both have 2 disks with over 400 pictures!

Some I don’t remember ever seeing. Like this one of my dad.  Dad!  Looks like my son.

My dad

Larry Atwell

So the last couple of days, I’ve gone through a box or two.  I’ve got a nice little pile of pictures to scan.  I also ran across a few framed picture collections and I set them aside to hang.

I have a scanner, I am thinking I’ll do the scanning and give the kids and my sister disks of pics for Christmas!

We’ll all have copies of memories AND I’ll have my closet back.

Did I mention there are more boxes of pictures in the garage?

Good thing I’m starting this project now.  Plenty of time to get it done by Christmas.


Fall Colors

fall colors

fall colors

October, days of cooler weather, the Texas State Fair, and changing of the colors.

I know the North East has the best reputation for the vibrant colors of the trees this time of year.  But we have some great color here too.

And it is so nice to have a cooler breeze even though this summer wasn’t as hot as some.

It was hot.

The wilted tomato plants told me so.

I haven’t had the heart to pull up the tomato in the back yard because it has put forth some new blooms.

But some of the community gardeners have stipped their plots and are starting fresh with winter crop.

October is Gpa’s birthday and I’m thinking I might do something to celebrate.  I have until the end of the month so I have some time.