The Rock and I

When Gpa got diagnosed with dementia, a co-worker told me about some pastoral counseling near by.

I started meeting with the counselor every other week.  It helped tremendously.

Once after I had shared a bit, she remarked, it was like God had told me to push against a huge boulder and I was getting upset because I wasn’t moving the boulder.

Oh.

Maybe he just wants me to build up my muscles.

Oh.

That helped.  Though I didn’t like pushing against the boulder.  Watching Gpa diminish was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

In the last 2 months I’ve lost 2 people I care for and I’ve been thinking about that boulder.

There is nothing I can do to prevent death, it’s a part of life.  There is nothing I can do to change what has happened.

However, I don’t think God told me to push on the rock.  The rock just happens to be a part of my path. It is what it is.  I’m going to stop pushing against the rock and just stand next to it awhile.

I’ll let it be what it is and I’ll be what I am.

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