Love as a Choice

I want you to understand, my decision to love everyone was not a PollyAnna move.  It has not been based because I think there is good in everyone, that all in live is light and sunshine.

I made the decision because I am now the oldest person in our line of the family tree.  I still love the people in my family who have gone on and I didn’t know what to do with all of this love.  It wants to be expressed, reached out and connected to another.

This has not been an easy task.  Some moments impossible.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  One of the most difficult places to love everyone is when I am in traffic.  Another place that is difficult to love everyone is when I read the news.

However,  I have determined that I did not commit to loving everyone 100% of the time.  If I can get to a place where I can love the unlovable for even 10 minutes, I’ll be making progress and maybe be able to come to a place where I can love them for 20 minutes.

In the morning when my alarm goes off, I will lie still and send love out.  This also helps me start the day better.

However, it seems God or the Devil or maybe they are taking turns are bringing to mind people and events that have been very painful in my past.  How about her?  What about him?  Do you love them?  Can you love them?  Will you give up this task?

Yesterday on the way to work, a bully from junior high was brought to mind.  What he did to me kept me from going to the public pool. What he did to another at the bus stop made me determine to keep an eye out at school and to stay very far way from him.

It did not make me feel better that I was not his only victim.  But I have to confess I was ambivalent towards the victim.  Until yesterday.

I’m not sure I can say I came to a place where I love the bully but I was able to come up with things about him that makes him more human.  Years ago he became a firefighter and a dad.  His dad and daughter would take walks in the neighborhood.

I wonder if he thoughts of what he used to do keep him up wondering how he can protect his girl from guys like him.  A brief sense of justice was entertained.  And then I thought about all the times I worried about my children and the evil in the world seeking to destroy.

I was able to find a tiny bit of compassion for this man.  But it made me cry.

Today, I’ll spend some time loving the other victim.

I don’t know if it will do any good for anyone else, but for me, I can face the uncertainty of what the day holds and interact with the people I come in contact in a bit better way.

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