Category Archives: About Town

A Glimpse of Red, Remembering the Dead

While running errands during lunch before the holidays, I caught a glimpse of a red stocking cap and a red walker at a sheltered bus stop.

My heart leaped in my throat as I thought it was Gpa! For a split second I was so excited that I was going to get to spend some time with him. I thought about pulling over. And then reality slapped me across the face. That wasn’t Gpa.  Gpa had stopped using the red walker in 2010.  If I stopped to talk to whoever this was, he would think I was crazy.

So I kept on driving and did my errands.

But as I drove by I sent anonymous all the love that had bubbled up as a result of seeing red.  I couldn’t keep all that emotion, both the excitement and the disappointment.  Too much.

The weather was cold and they were at a bus stop.  I hoped they got to where they were going safely. I hoped that they would have a blessed day. And that they had someone in their life that loved them as much as Gpa and I had had.

For even through my disappointment, it was nice to think of Gpa and feel the love I had been missing.

I’m Not The Only One

Thursday, I stopped at a craft store to purchase new brushes. I have an idea for a new series I want to create.

I hated that I didn’t have a coupon. I have a flip phone so the new way of having a coupon doesn’t work for me.

A clerk saw me right as I got in the line. She asked how I was. I told her I wished I had a coupon. She said to follow her, she would help me.

She went to an empty register and put on a pair of white gloves. Struggling to get the second one on, she shared that she wears the gloves so she doesn’t tear up her hands on the register.

That sounded odd to me. How rough is the register? I assumed that all the clerks at the store do this.

But this is not so. Her nerves cause her to pick at her nails. When she is stressed, she turns it upon herself. Down to the quick.

She shut the drawer before pulling out my change. We had to wait for a manager. So we chatted some more.

Her ex who is no longer here, would slap her hands when he caught her picking.

When she asked him what he was doing, for it hurt, he replied, “you aren’t picking at your hands anymore.”
I could tell she missed him. Even if he was an ex, the way she lit up told me more than the words ever would. Now that she had to deal with her nerves on her own, she understood the love in his solution.

We are soul sisters who have had a loss after a split. I wanted to encourage her. Tell her she had found a good solution for taking care of her self. Even if it seems odd to other people. Tell her I understood how much she loved and missed her ex. I know it’s hard to get up each day and move and breath and interact in a way that others expect you to. In a world where your loved one is not.

That there will be people who don’t understand what you are going through because the end of their life came after a fight that didn’t get resolved.

That on one hand I am so sorry that she is going through the same thing. It is crushing. On the other hand, I am so relieved that I am not alone. Shared sadness diminishes.

I hated that we were in a craft store and the time we had together was coming to an end. All I could do was look her full on in the eyes and love her as I said, “I’m sorry.”

I hope that she received all I wanted to convey with those two words. I hope her day was less lonely because we met. I know mine was.

Seasons of Life

tree

Recently, I lost a dear friend.  Unfortunately, the last time we interacted, it did not go well.  We stopped communicating at all.  He died less than a month later.

I am more aware that part of his mis-behavior was due to him being more ill than he let on.  It is hard to be your best self if you do not feel well.  I was not as understanding as I did not know the extent of his limitations.

The 8th has been a special day for us. So I took some time yesterday to remember him and honor what was good about him.

I went to the spot at the lake where we hung out several times.  A very good place to remember good times.

I tried to sit on a blanket under ‘our’ tree but it was too cold and windy to do so for long.  I retreated to my car which had the same view.

The tree we had chosen still had green leaves. It looked just as we always saw it. I think it is a Live Oak.  I watched birds and the little white caps the wind created on the lake.

The ice princess blue sky was a perfect backdrop for my mood. White with a tiny touch of color.

My life seems like a blank slate right now. The touch of color, a bit of hope.

Not far from our tree is the one pictured. It is large, gnarled and without any foliage. I didn’t get close enough to see if it had buds.  I trust it does.  I hope it does. I’ll come back in the spring to check.

This tree was covered with leaves and green parrots the last time we hung out at the lake.  I counted at least 10 parrots as they cavorted. I didn’t believe my eyes until I discovered they migrate through, in preparation for winter.

But in this season right now, this minute.  Without it’s finery, we can see what was hidden.

My heart feels like this tree. Twisted, bare, and stark.

Before I left, I reminded myself that this too is a season.  This too shall pass.  The best thing I can do is remember the good of this relationship, honor it and know that if we had known we had less time than we thought, we would have affirmed what was really important.

A Shaft of Rainbow

I really wish I had a camera the other day.  On the way to work, there was a shaft of rainbow streaming out of the sky. (my daughter says I shouldn’t use shaft to describe it but the rainbow was piercing the veil)  How else would you describe a beam of color coming straight down out of the sky?  There was no curve to this beautiful refraction of light.

It reminded me of a promise made long ago.  A promise that I doubted could be or would be realized.  And my heart was eased a bit.

 

 

Sunday in the Park

Sunday I went to the park and juggled to get pictures.  First because juggling is fun and second because I’m expanding my teaching and want pictures for my new website.

I love taking my props to the park.  No worries about the ceiling being too low.  Have a great view and get to meet new people.

This picture reminds me of Georges Seurat’s painting Sunday in the Park.

Wish Gpa had been here to enjoy the day with me.2014-08-03 06.15.59

Doing What I Can

I posted the other day about children at the Texas/Mexico border in dog kennels the other day.  Yesterday, I talked to someone about the children in Chicago and how we don’t take care of them either.

My frustration lies in the fact there is little if anything I can do about it.

Last night I taught juggling at the local library.  I live in Pleasant Grove and if you look it up in the Urban Dictionary, it is one of the worst places to live.

So far Pleasant Grove has been a very good place for me to live.  I’ve met some of the nicest people.  Gpa and I built quite a nice life here.  I’m figuring out how to continue on without him.

Hence the still teaching juggling on Tuesday nights.  There were about 9 kids and 4 adults participating and 6 spectating.

I woke up this morning realizing that though there isn’t much I can do about what I see and hear on the news in other places, I am doing what I can.

You may think that juggling is just a pass time, it is much more than that.  But even if it were just a pass time, here is an hour where kids (and adults) can spend an hour having fun, being care-free, socializing with others and learning something new.

I’m OK with that.  I’ll keep showing up on Tuesdays and throwing things at the library until they kick me out.

Does It Matter?

That’s what I’ve been asking myself lately.  About a lot of different things.  I’ve been looking for a job since about October of last year.  Not as long as some people, I know but I’ve put in a lot of applications had a few interviews and the savings are running out.

If I tap into my 401k, I’ll take a 20% hit off the top.  I really don’t want to do that.

I’ve had a couple of part time temporary assignments, I’ve found on my own.  Seems like the temp agencies don’t want me working for them.  Odd since the people I have worked with said they would contact me when they have more work.

I’ve been missing Gpa, Gma, mom and other’s who have gone. Died.  Missing them unbearably.

Working in in the garden has helped some.  Seeing the trees and flowers springing to live has helped some.  The frost killing most of the tomato babies did not help at all!

A couple of days ago, my boyfriend and I went out to eat.  (Do you call them boyfriends if you are 50?)  The meal was good.  We enjoyed each others company.  We were both tired so the conversation may not have been very stimulating.  It was nice to have time together.

When we left the restaurant, I saw this little pink flower growing between the parking spot and the curb.  I bent down and yelled at it.  I was so mad!  “What do you think you are doing?”

This is the worst place for a plant to grow.  The plant will struggle it’s entire life.  Someone may consider it a weed and spray it or pull it.  It won’t have much room even if it’s left alone.  So it will be stunted.

My boyfriend pointed out that this flower worked on blooming where it was and here I was yelling at it.

I did point out that all it knows is I’ve given it extra carbon dioxide.  Plants like that.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I went back to see if it was still there. Yep.  So I took a picture.  It looks like a petunia but I”m not sure.  I plan to ask the ladies at the garden tomorrow if they can tell what it is.

I feel like that plant and want to know ‘what do I think I am doing.’  and does it really matter?  I can tell you I haven’t a clue.

Maybe a petunia

In a hard place

Old Friends and New

Because of a new friend, I had the opportunity to work half days during the election in Sachse.  Met some great people and I was going to get to work with my friend.  However, they didn’t have enough voters and I lost the hours I was scheduled.

A couple of days later, I was asked if I’d be willing to work full days in Carrollton.  It takes me an hour to drive  there, but I’m familiar with the area and wanted the hours.  I said yes.

During break, I thought about a friend who lives there I hadn’t seen in a while.  We made plans to have lunch and catch up.

When she picked me up, there was a baby in the car.  Had it been that long?!?!?! Yes, but it wasn’t her baby.  She cares for him during the day.

We caught up with each others family’s.  Even though it had been a hard year, some great things have also been happening.  She encouraged me to move back.  I hadn’t even thought about looking in Carrollton.  If I do get a job there, I”m not going to want to drive over an hour one way each day.  I would plan to move closer.

Which would pull me further away from the friends I’ve made in the last two years.  I will apply in Sachse as well as Carrollton amongst the other places I’m looking and see what pops up first.

And plan to be better about keeping in touch with all of my friends.

Almost an Italian Weekend

I got excited on Friday.  A notice went out on the ukulele meet up that there was to be an Italian ukulele player giving a workshop on Saturday.  I thought that going might be fun.

Earlier in the week a friend had given me a newspaper clip about a church giving a concert series and on Sunday the violinist would be from Italy.

Oh how fun.  I even thought about maybe fixing an Italian meal.

Non of it happened.

The workshop isn’t until the 28th.  (need to pay attention to the details)

The newspaper clip told about 4 different nights and the Italian played last week.  I did see the violinist who played last night and thoroughly enjoyed myself.  (Again need to pay attention to the details)

And I never got around to fixing or going out for Italian.

Maybe I’ll plan to do that on the 28th.

I hope you had a great weekend what ever you did.

What the Dog Did

Well the dog appreciated the library book, but not in the way the chicken or the cat did.

He chewed it!

I can no longer laugh when someone says their dog ate their homework.  I have that dog.

If I had let the library replace it, I would have paid a $24 dollar processing fee.  However, the librarian told me if I brought in a replacement book, it would only cost me the price of buying the book.

So yesterday, I turned in the new book to replace  the old one.  I am now the proud owner of a chew-toy book on foraging.

I guess the dog took the title a little to seriously.

 

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