Category Archives: Staying in

8:30 on a Friday Night

I would have called you but I’ve gotten a new phone and don’t have my numbers in it yet.  So I’m going to say what I need to  here.

I feel like I frittered the day away.  Gpa got up several times last night and all I wanted was a nap. But when he was napping I wasn’t sleepy and when he was up, I had to fix his food, or take him to the bathroom, or open the front door to show him the car.

We did run a couple of errands and he was oh so happy to have a ride.  Then around 5, I had to take him around the block.  I think he thought he was at daycare and wanted to come home.

He’s not understanding a lot of what I say, or maybe he’s just not wanting to acknowledge what I’m saying.

He’s gone to bed early then got up wet.  He wasn’t happy that I was changing him.  “Leave the pants on.”  I had to change the sheets too.

The family and I talk like he’s going to beat his sister’s record and live to 106.  But there are days I’m not so sure.

He seems to be always hungry yet he keeps loosing weight.  His driver’s license says he’s 5’7″ and yet when we stand toe to toe,  I am taller than he is.  I’m 5’3″.

I hate that he thinks he’s starving to death.  But maybe he is.  It’s not for the lack of feeding him.  I don’t know if it is a part of the dementia. The losing the ability to communicate with the body.  Or could it be the diabetes?  I figure that is why there is so much urine and the need to change the sheets a time or two a night.

Another friend reminded me that there will be a day that I won’t have to get up in the middle of the night to care for him.  I know that she was trying to help me focus on the time I have with him.  But it just reminds me that when he dies, he’ll be gone for the rest of my life.

And all I could think of today was how much I wanted a nap.  When I did lay down to rest, I was too tired.  I almost started crying.  I didn’t because it would have taken too much effort.  Plus I get all stuffed up and would have had to get up to blow my nose.

Oh, there are other people I could call.  I just don’t feel like talking. I don’t really want to say these things out loud anyway.  It’s easier to write them.  And then they’d feel like they would need to say something to make me feel better or reassure me that I’m doing fine.

I don’t feel much like hearing those words tonight either.

The other night, at the gospel sing a long a couple of the guys were talking about how lucky Gpa was to have me to take care of them.  One said he didn’t think, he’d have someone to do that if lived to 100.  It was very weird to be sitting there while they were talking about us.  I didn’t say anything,  I wasn’t a part of the conversation.  I just happened to be sitting at the table.

What would I have said anyway?

I don’t feel that I am doing anything special.  I love Gpa.  The moments we connect are very special to me.  To be able to give him a cookie, a coffee and go for a ride means a lot to me.  I will miss him dreadfully.  Just like I miss my mom, my dad and grandmother.

I will have to find something to help pass the time until we are reunited.

For I believe we are eternal beings and the separation is just for a little while. Though sometimes it seems endless.

My second husband asked me what if I’m wrong in my beliefs.  I had to think about my response and I don’t know if we ever got back around to discussing it again.  But I know my answer now.  If I am wrong in what I believe, I won’t regret my life for my beliefs are what help me make my choices in life.  And my goal is to enjoy as much of Heaven here as possible and to share it with others.

Life should be more that just bearable.

Hey,  thanks for listening.  I’m going to let the dogs out one more time, put some cookies on the table and go lay down for a bit.

I hope you are having a great Friday night.

One Thing Leads to Another

Have you ever had one of those days where you planned to do one thing but before you started, something else needed your attention, and then another?

Yesterday, the plan was to clean off the low dresser in my bedroom. It has become a catch-all.  Well, the whole room has become that but I wanted to do something manageable.

I noticed one of the over head light bulbs burnt out.  I decided to change it.  The light cover was dusty.  I took it to the bathroom to clean. There was a pile of papers on the floor and I thought, it won’t take me long to go through this, I’ll do it first.

Oh and I started a load of laundry.  Gpa goes through clothes so fast and he’ll need some for day care tomorrow.  and a load of dishes.

I came across some items that I will give as gifts and that box is in the closet.  While in the closet, I sorted shoes and purses on the floor.

This went on for a while.  I finally got to the dresser and got it done.  Or better organized.  For if you look, there is still some things on it.

Then I rested and looked around the room.  3 boxes to go through.  I haven’t gotten to them because I don’t have a place to put what is in the boxes.

I sat there and pondered, what type of storage would be best for the room?  And I want an end of the bed bench.  Hm maybe I’ll get a storage bench.  I’ll look around and see if there’s one I like.  I want one with drawers instead of lifting a lid.

Later we went to rehearsal at the garden.  It was a beautiful day to do so.  While there, Gena cleaned the dog hair off the floor.  It looked great!  But the vacuum cleaner is still broken.

“How did you do it?”

‘My hands”

Am very thankful for the day.


Seeing Double

Lillie came over last night and had dinner.  Gpa was delighted to have 2 lovely ladies to entertain.   However, I noticed him looking from one to the other will a bit of a puzzled look on his face.  I wonder if he was thinking he was seeing double.

Or maybe that this was his lucky day.

We stayed up a bit later than usual and at one point Lillie and I were sitting in the back yard.  She invited Gpa to come out when he woke up from his nap and saw we were outside.  He decided to go to bed instead.

That’s too bad.  He used to enjoy sitting outside but it may have been because it was dark that he declined.


Stating the Obvious

OK this is why I don’t have people over.  It is a full time job taking care of Gpa and the house isn’t as tip top ship shape as it could be.  And I know it.  But I thought, well I’ll keep it to a low roar and friends would over look the bit of fluff. Right?

I had a couple of ladies over and had enough time to get Gpa to day care and mop the floor.  I was hoping to vacuum but my daughter had told me it’s broken.  I think it is full of Akita hair.  I just need to figure out how to get deep inside and get the hair out.

So one of my friends the one I had to tell not to tell the bathroom story, mentioned the ‘snow’ on my floor.  So then I had to talk about the vacuum cleaner.

Is she telling me how smart she is?  How lousy my housekeeping is?  Does she think I need to get my glasses updated?  Does she really have nothing else to talk about?

I don’t know but the ‘snow’ is still here and I’ll think twice about asking her over again.  What would have been way cool is if she had grabbed the broom and swept up the dog hair.  Do you know how hard that is?


akita dog hair snow

Sharing Embarrassing

I wasn’t going to share the following story on this blog.  Oh I shared it with a couple of close friends and we had a laugh.  You know the kind of laugh where we have all been but it would be embarrassing if everyone knew.

Then I told a friend who tells everyone’s story.  I told her not to share and she replied but it’s so precious.  OK, precious is the last word I would use.

Well, since you may have heard it from the grapevine, I’d like to tell you my version.  For I was the one that was there.

Gpa will tell me how grateful he is when we are in the bathroom.  He’ll say things like, “You are the best dresser” or

“I am going to pay you for taking such good care of me.” or

“I don’t know what I would do without you.”

So on this day he said the last one.

I replied, “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I don’t pull your pants down.”

‘um, cough, well, no.”


Would you call that precious??????!!!!!!


A Cookie, a Tomato, and a Toad

It is 5:00 am on a Saturday of a 3 day holiday and I am up.  Not that I want to be.  Gpa has tried to change his pajama pants with a shirt.  He can’t figure out why they won’t pull up.  In the bathroom he has told me he is hungry.

You can’t tell the baby to go back to sleep when it is hungry.  It’ll just cry more.

So he now has pants on, and eaten breakfast.  While I was at it, I fed the dogs.  Next is a nap.

It fascinates me what his demented brain retains and what he cannot cope with.  Though it doesn’t stress him out too much.  He just kept trying to figure out how to pull up the shirt tail.

Yesterday he had a check up at the doctor’s office.  He got a good report and on the way to the car, he told me he was hungry.  No surprise there.  He wanted a cookie.

Once in the car, he added a tomato to his list and then said toad.

At first I  thought how funny that he wants a toad.  But if you put the request in the context of the last two weeks, it makes for an interesting situation.

We had toad in the hole a couple of weeks ago at the garden for breakfast before harvesting for the food pantry.  He ate two.  Then that Friday we met Lillie and a friend for lunch.  I saw that toad in the hole was on the menu.  The restaurant had given it a name but we had a discussion about toad in the hole.  She ordered it.

And here Gpa is, asking for a toad.  It made me feel better because the day before when trying to ask for a cookie or a cracker, he said he wanted a crackie.  I thought, oh here we go, losing more vocabulary.  It could be he just wanted both.

Ketchup Surprise

Remember how the other day I caught Gpa with a packet of ketchup?  And my first clue to check on him was a juicy sound after he had eaten.

Well, across the room from where he sits.  I found ketchup on the wall!  I’m not sure how it got all the way across the room without there being some on the table. The yellow is the wall, the red is the ketchup and the white is the back door frame.

I’m surprised that the ketchup is still red since it’s been on the wall for a few days.  I’m also surprised that the dogs haven’t found it.

I’m still wishing I had painted the breakfast nook a high gloss for easier clean up.

Is it  art?

ketchup surprise

ketchup surprise

Fire Drill

I woke up the other night wondering what we would do if there was a fire.  It’s been years and a different house since I’ve thought about something like this.  The very first time I told my son when he was 5 what to do in a fire, he started to lose interest, I said, “Quick, there’s a fire, what do you do?”

“Hide under the bed, MOM!”  And he started to crawl under the bed.  UM, I didn’t say anything about the bed.  Later I found out that kids will hide under the bed when scared.

How would we tell Gpa go out the window if there is smoke?  And I don’t think a fire drill will be a good idea.  I don’t want him trying to crawl out the window unless absolutely necessary.

I do think a sticker for the fire department letting them know who’s in the house is a good idea.

I’m going to look for other ideas to help with this.

I’m also going to be careful that we don’t have a fire.

Reality Phone Show

This last week I’ve had a couple of friends tell me that I have called them and they have heard what sounds like Gpa and I in the bathroom.

Oh how embarrassing!

I’ve had all kinds of trouble with this new phone. I thought I’d upgrade when my flip phone died.  But I have new icons on the phone, it logged me onto my email and I don’t know how to change it.  And now it is calling people in the most inappropriate time and place!

Well, I fixed that, now I don’t take the phone where I don’t want a reality show broadcast.

A Place to Park the Car

Today was spent cleaning house.  So I’m sure Gpa was bored.  However, I did take a break when he wanted to see his car.  He did that a couple of times.  The last time, I had him sit outside.

Then he called me over and asked if I was the manager of this establishment.  I said I was.  He asked if he could park the car inside.

I tried to explain that the car is too big to come in the front door.  He was worried that someone would take it if it sat outside.  I told him it is locked up and needs a key to open.

I’m not sure he was convinced.  We’ll see if he asks again.