Tag Archives: coffee

A Celebration of Life

Today I’ll be making some posters for tomorrows celebration.  I also plan to make a bread pudding with the last of the cookies.

At the last moment, I’ve been telling people to wear red, which is Gpa’s  favorite color, or to wear their favorite color.  I am going to go through his clothes and pull out all the things that are red.  If someone didn’t get the message, they can pick out one of his things and wear red after all.

My daughter told me yesterday that people are most worried about her and I being the most upset.  But we aren’t really.  Partly because it isn’t really true yet, and partly because the end was as good as the life he lived.  This isn’t a tragedy, there isn’t anything to mourn.  He lived and died the way he wanted to without bringing harm (or much) to others.

He has truly set a high standard, one I hope to continue.

We’ll be on the pavilion if the weather is nice otherwise we’ll move to the kitchen where he spent many happy hours drinking his and other’s coffee.

Come and go Celebration of Life for Grandpa on Sunday from 3:30-6:30 at
Our Saviour Episcopal Church
1616 North Jim MIller Rd
Dallas, TX  75217
in lieu of flowers make donations to
Our Saviour Community Garden
1616 North Jim MIller Rd
Dallas, TX  75217
Hope you can come.

Today Nietzsche was Wrong

Nietzsche has been quoted to say, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ”

This morning, I wasn’t stronger, I became my baser self.

Gpa went into the bathroom, so I followed and started to help him. He was in the middle of pooping.  So there he is standing in the bathroom, hanging onto the towel rack, pooping.  Gravity was doing a swell job and poop was landing on his pants, shoes and floor.

I started yelling at him to sit down and tried to guide him to the toilet.  Gpa did not let go and the towel rack came with him.

I am so glad no one was hurt. I’ve been trying to get a real grab bar added to the order for the hospital bed.  Towel racks are not made for bearing a person’s weight.

He’s happy when he has a cookie, a coffee or a ride.  He is not happy when he is in the bathroom and I am yelling at him.  He isn’t aware of the poop.  He tells me he is never coming back here again.

I am not physically stronger.  Taking care of Gpa has thrown my back out of whack.

I am not spiritually stronger.  It is torture to watch Gpa slowly deteriorate.  He has a bed sore, a sore on the toe of one foot and two toes on his other foot is purple.

I am not mentally stronger.  I am drained.

I am going to bed now.  Hopefully, we’ll feel better in the morning.

We’ll see.

My Daily Bucket List

Even though I have responsibilities to take care of Gpa, it doesn’t have to keep me from having my plans and goals.

Currently the top of my list is a good night’s sleep.  When that doesn’t happen,  a nap is a good second.

His bucket list is complementary to mine.  He wants to go for a ride.  I want to go to the garden or to juggling class.  Great fit.

I also take him to an adult day care so I can get errands and chores done.  I also use that time to go to a Bible Study, paint watercolor pictures uninterrupted, and voice lessons.

We both enjoy our time apart and enjoy each other more when we are reunited.

I don’t feel like I’ve really made that much of a sacrifice.  We are both very blessed.

I don’t like to think about the next stage in dementia, no need to borrow trouble.  We’ll deal with what comes next when it gets here.

and hang out together and have a cup of coffee.

8:30 on a Friday Night

I would have called you but I’ve gotten a new phone and don’t have my numbers in it yet.  So I’m going to say what I need to  here.

I feel like I frittered the day away.  Gpa got up several times last night and all I wanted was a nap. But when he was napping I wasn’t sleepy and when he was up, I had to fix his food, or take him to the bathroom, or open the front door to show him the car.

We did run a couple of errands and he was oh so happy to have a ride.  Then around 5, I had to take him around the block.  I think he thought he was at daycare and wanted to come home.

He’s not understanding a lot of what I say, or maybe he’s just not wanting to acknowledge what I’m saying.

He’s gone to bed early then got up wet.  He wasn’t happy that I was changing him.  “Leave the pants on.”  I had to change the sheets too.

The family and I talk like he’s going to beat his sister’s record and live to 106.  But there are days I’m not so sure.

He seems to be always hungry yet he keeps loosing weight.  His driver’s license says he’s 5’7″ and yet when we stand toe to toe,  I am taller than he is.  I’m 5’3″.

I hate that he thinks he’s starving to death.  But maybe he is.  It’s not for the lack of feeding him.  I don’t know if it is a part of the dementia. The losing the ability to communicate with the body.  Or could it be the diabetes?  I figure that is why there is so much urine and the need to change the sheets a time or two a night.

Another friend reminded me that there will be a day that I won’t have to get up in the middle of the night to care for him.  I know that she was trying to help me focus on the time I have with him.  But it just reminds me that when he dies, he’ll be gone for the rest of my life.

And all I could think of today was how much I wanted a nap.  When I did lay down to rest, I was too tired.  I almost started crying.  I didn’t because it would have taken too much effort.  Plus I get all stuffed up and would have had to get up to blow my nose.

Oh, there are other people I could call.  I just don’t feel like talking. I don’t really want to say these things out loud anyway.  It’s easier to write them.  And then they’d feel like they would need to say something to make me feel better or reassure me that I’m doing fine.

I don’t feel much like hearing those words tonight either.

The other night, at the gospel sing a long a couple of the guys were talking about how lucky Gpa was to have me to take care of them.  One said he didn’t think, he’d have someone to do that if lived to 100.  It was very weird to be sitting there while they were talking about us.  I didn’t say anything,  I wasn’t a part of the conversation.  I just happened to be sitting at the table.

What would I have said anyway?

I don’t feel that I am doing anything special.  I love Gpa.  The moments we connect are very special to me.  To be able to give him a cookie, a coffee and go for a ride means a lot to me.  I will miss him dreadfully.  Just like I miss my mom, my dad and grandmother.

I will have to find something to help pass the time until we are reunited.

For I believe we are eternal beings and the separation is just for a little while. Though sometimes it seems endless.

My second husband asked me what if I’m wrong in my beliefs.  I had to think about my response and I don’t know if we ever got back around to discussing it again.  But I know my answer now.  If I am wrong in what I believe, I won’t regret my life for my beliefs are what help me make my choices in life.  And my goal is to enjoy as much of Heaven here as possible and to share it with others.

Life should be more that just bearable.

Hey,  thanks for listening.  I’m going to let the dogs out one more time, put some cookies on the table and go lay down for a bit.

I hope you are having a great Friday night.

Scavanger Hunt

I was right that Gpa would be up all night last night.  Partially because of the change in routine and partially because I let him have coffee in the evening.  Oh and I think also partially because of the rain.

I on the other hand, was so tired, I only got up have the times he did.  I could hear him roaming around but I couldn’t get my self up.

Here are something things I found out of place.  I do not know yet if I found them all.

Clothes in the tub.

Toilet brush on the floor, not in it’s holder.

Gpa wearing mis-matched shoes. One clog has a strap and the other doesn’t.

Chicken bones on kitchen chair.  Argh! one of the dogs got them.  No adverse reaction so far, but keeping watch.

Belt in the bed.

Wipes warmer in the sink

I hope Gpa had a good time.

 

Whatever He Wants

Everybody tells me, “Get him whatever he wants.”

Um, within reason.  I will not allow him to keep the sponge in his mouth.

I like that he called the grapes ‘little balls’  He got some.

In the last few months he has asked for whiskey.  I’ve never really seen him drink.  So it took him requesting whiskey more than once to take him serious.

The last time he requested it, I had just given him a cup of coffee, so I thought maybe he used to drink it in his coffee.

I got him some and put one spoonful in.  After one sip, he spit it out.  I don’t know if I messed up his coffee or his whiskey.  He couldn’t say.  The picture is what coffee with whiskey on the floor looks like.

coffee and whiskey spit art

coffee and whiskey spit art

 

Stating the Obvious

OK this is why I don’t have people over.  It is a full time job taking care of Gpa and the house isn’t as tip top ship shape as it could be.  And I know it.  But I thought, well I’ll keep it to a low roar and friends would over look the bit of fluff. Right?

I had a couple of ladies over and had enough time to get Gpa to day care and mop the floor.  I was hoping to vacuum but my daughter had told me it’s broken.  I think it is full of Akita hair.  I just need to figure out how to get deep inside and get the hair out.

So one of my friends the one I had to tell not to tell the bathroom story, mentioned the ‘snow’ on my floor.  So then I had to talk about the vacuum cleaner.

Is she telling me how smart she is?  How lousy my housekeeping is?  Does she think I need to get my glasses updated?  Does she really have nothing else to talk about?

I don’t know but the ‘snow’ is still here and I’ll think twice about asking her over again.  What would have been way cool is if she had grabbed the broom and swept up the dog hair.  Do you know how hard that is?

snow

akita dog hair snow

Another Cup

Gpa has to have plastic coffee cups as he bangs them on the table when M T.  There is a small yellow one at the garden that we try to keep up with.  And a small yellow one at my son’s house.

I needed to get him some more clothes.  Gpa is out living his apparel.  So we went to the thrift store.  Got some great finds.  While there, I decided to look for plastic cups.  I found 4!  In sets of 2 for under $2 per set.

I’ll leave the two that Rocio likes at her house and take the other two to the garden.

Amazing how happy a small thing like a coffee cup find can make me.

cup

cup

Let’s Go

Gpa likes church.  He’ll say, “Oh, Yes” and jump up to get ready when I ask him if he’d like to go.

However, when we get there, he is just waiting to get to the coffee.  This week he got excited during the peace offering and getting pushed to go to communion.  Sorry, Gpa, no coffee yet.

To distract him, I pulled out the color sheet and asked him questions.  I asked “How are you?” He replied, “Sick”

Then the conversation got worse as you can see in the pictures.  His dying in 2 minutes did not get him a cup of coffee sooner.

 

2 minute warning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hope not

hope not

 

Eating Cookies in Bed

I put cookies on the table with a cup of coffee on the table at night so Gpa can have a snack if he gets up.

Last night he didn’t sit down when he saw them, he just picked up the cookies and headed back to bed.  I tried to tell him to go ahead and sit down but he didn’t.

I cringed thinking of what a mess eating the cookies in the bed would make, but I didn’t want to upset Gpa. Also the sooner he went to bed, the sooner I could too.

In the morning, he had a bit of cookie on his shirt and pillow.  Not much to clean up for a good nights sleep.

I’m hoping he won’t make a habit of eating in bed.

We went out to eat tonight.  He had oatmeal, eggs, and some pancakes.  An hour and half later, he told me he was going to bed because he didn’t have money for dinner.  I fixed him a protein drink.

It is hard when he thinks he’s hungry and I know he isn’t. It is a balancing act.