Tag Archives: elder care

Clinical Lying

I hate the term – Clinical Lying. Mostly because it has negative connotations. There is a certain resistance to lying to a loved one.  And yet, it isn’t lying at all.

It’s a form of going down memory lane.  Who doesn’t like to sit and reminisce the good old days?  It’s hard when a loved one doesn’t realize where they are right now, but where they are is someplace they have been before.

That’s a memory, not a lie.

Gpa grew up in Kansas.  As a weatherman, he moved all over the United States and retired in Ft. Worth.  When he would ask me if we were in Kansas, I would say “yes.”  Sometimes he’d ask about Ft. Worth.

When I did say “no”, it would confuse him and my explanation only confused him more.  No need to go there.

Kansas and Ft. Worth aren’t such bad places to be.

If he wasn’t tapping into a memory, he’d be asking me if we were on Mars or someplace he had never been.

And even then, I wouldn’t have considered it a lie.  I would have considered it imagination.

A friend who is currently caring for her father pointed out a good thing about the condition of dementia.  Her father is always excited to see her.  Every time. She’ll be pushing him in his wheelchair and look around to check on him.

“Oh, hello! Good to see you.”

I’d have to say that I liked that part of spending time with Gpa as well.  Who doesn’t like to be greeted like a long lost loved one?

Productivity Does Not Equal Value

There is a photo in our album where Gpa is changing my diaper.  I wasn’t very productive at that age.  It didn’t matter.

Family members considered part of raising a child.  It is part of love.  Love has a different value, it does not look to productivity in an individual.

As he got older Gpa was worried that he would become a burden.  He never was.  Even that last week.  It was the love we shared.  It was the twinkle in his eye, the spark of life.

I have known parents who have supported their children until they are 18, 30, 50 even.  And yet there is a debate on what to do with the costs involved in caring for the elderly.

Yes, it is something to be concerned about, but we must be careful not to set an age or lack of productivity where the care is not longer given.  We must remember they were there for us when we could not care for ourselves.  Shouldn’t we care for them now?

I have found free online classes at coursera.org.  I am taking a rhetoric writing class and may come back to this topic when I have learned more.