Tag Archives: paint

What Does Laura Want?

I understand that people want to know what I’m going to do next.

A neighbor asked me what does Laura want.  He asked this after I told him I’ve been doing what I want.

And yet he and other’s want something else.  I’m not sure what.

The wonderful thing about this time with Gpa was we both got to do the things that made us happy.  He liked to go for a ride.  I’d take him to go juggle.

He loved spending time with the kids and would toss a bean bag to them. – bonus

I got my watercolors out and got to get several pictures done.  I haven’t gotten them out since he got sick until tonight.  What a nice way to spend an evening.

I’m creating books for the grandbabies that focus on what Gpa liked.  Below is a grasshopper for the bug book.  Gpa liked to tell people that there is a certain spot on the grasshopper’s leg that if you touched it, the leg would fall off.   This allows the grasshopper to get away from birds.

Now that I’ve gotten my music room set up, I’ve been playing daily.

But saying that I want to paint, play music and juggle isn’t what people want to hear.

I’m not sure what they want me to say.

Maybe that I’m happy. I’m sad that Gpa is gone. I miss him.  But I have all these wonderful memories that I get to remember when I paint, play music and juggle.

My hope and prayer for you is that you find what makes you happy and that you allow yourself to do it/be it.

grasshopper

A Shield

I miss Gpa.  I keep listening for him but he doesn’t need anything from me now.

It’s a good thing that the little dog is here.  He is a very good lap dog.

I am feeling very vulnerable and exposed when I go out now.  Not every time as there were times I went out without Gpa.  But the times I took him places with me, it feels strange to not be pushing him in front of me.

Also, people are freer in what they say to me now that he is gone.  I’ve been offered an opportunity to help package candles from a friend involved with a start-up, told about an investment opportunity that is like a credit card company but there are more ways to make money, jobs or job sites to check, and even an offer to date.

All of these offers began with, “I know it’s too soon, but.”

UM, thank you, I will think about it.  But I haven’t even gone back to the things I was doing before Gpa got sick.  I haven’t juggled, or painted.  I’ve been planning services, moving daughters and sorting through Gpa’s things.

I feel like Gpa was protection, a shield and now I am exposed.  I don’t like it.

And it makes me miss him more.

I’ll try to remember they mean well.